Man! I feel like a woman!
by Melyn Tenshi
Summary: What happens when the Suzaku and the Seiyru senchi wake up and find they have all changed sex? Gender humor through and through. Like Ranma? You'll love this!
1. Chapter 1

I am always asked, "Melyn, you are so evil and cruel. I bet you can't get any worse." That is when I laugh and then come up with something like this. Yes, I am pure evil and I am also sick! But, damn I have fun being evil and sick.

Now, I don't remember how I came up with this idea. I was cleaning my room out and in a stack of unfinished fanfics lay this beauty. I started it a while back and it somehow was placed in my 'Gee-where-am-I-going-with-this?' pile. I re-read the one chapter I wrote and decided late at night, why not post it? What harm could it do? I have no credibility. People already think I'm nuts. So here it is.

I forgot to mention. I am bad. I am not going along with what the series did. Oh well. I'm not the first author to do such horrid things...or am I?

******

Man! I feel like a woman!

******

Far off in the distance a figure loomed in the shadows. She cackled as she watched two different pair of senchi in two different parts of the world. One, was to the south. The other was to the east.

The one's in the southern most region sat around a table and fought over dinner portions. The only female of the group of eight looked as if she had her fair share, but she still fought. The group in the south, however, looked like a solemn group. Two woman and six men sat around a table. They listened to the blond man who sat at the head of the table and talked.

'Don't these people do anything different?' The woman sighed. Both groups were very uneventful. She needed something new to happen. Something to brighten her day. Something--

The woman smiled. It was so simple. Why didn't she think of it before? "They won't be boring for long!" The woman cackled as her eye's burned with mischief. 

******

Tasuki groaned and arched his back like a cat. Mornings had to come so damn early. Sleep was much nicer than consciousness. The bandit debated going back into peaceful slumber, but soon realized food was much better than sleep. Besides, after he ate he could always go back to sleep. It wasn't like there was anything important he had to do.

His hand reached down with his morning ritual of scratching himself and found some vital parts, well...missing.

"What da-?!" Tasuki bolted upright and looked down. He found that the parts in question were really missing and, as a compensation, he had a well endowed female bust.

Tasuki jumped out of bed swearing up a storm. He ran to the floor length mirror in his room He wore the white shirt he fell asleep in the night before. Now it didn't fit him as well as it did. The shirt hung off of one of his slender shoulders and reached down to his knees. He could tell he was a great deal shorter. Through the shirt he could see his waist and shapely hips. His legs were much thinner. 

His features were not as hard anymore. His face seemed rounder and his eyes larger.

"Oh Suzaku! I'm a woman!" Tasuki screamed and pulled on his pant, which were now far too big for his...her small waist. She found a piece of disregarded fabric and made a make-shift belt. "I'm gonna murder who ever did this to me!" She burst threw her door and bolted down the hallway.

"Calm down, no da!" A sweet high voice rang out. Tasuki stopped and turned to see Chichiri standing next to a doorway he just passed.

"Geez, Chichiri! You're a woman too!" Tasuki looked over his fellow seishi. Chichiri too, was shorter then he was when he was not a she. She wore her normal garb, which looked oversized as well.

"We all are..." Chichiri noticed where Tasuki's gaze was held and blushed. "Perv." She growled and turned away.

"Aw, come on Chichiri!" Tasuki whined. "You look good!" She gave a fanged smile. "What about Miaka? Is she still a she?"

"Miaka turned into a man, no da."

Tasuki burst into laughter. He knew it was wrong to laugh at her miko, but the thought of a man with Miaka's hairstyle and Miaka's dress. She couldn't help herself.

The laughing stopped when a fist collided with Tasuki's face. "That isn't funny." Tamahome growled. He too was now definitely a she. "I bet the only one enjoying themselves here is Nuriko. He's wanted to be a woman forever." Tamahome sighed and cracked her knuckles.

"I know, no da." Chichiri sighed. "How long has he wanted to be a woman?"

Tamahome smiled. "I think he really wanted to be a woman when he first met the emperor...empress." Tamahome snickered at the thought of Hotohori as a woman.

*****

"Highness!" The advisor sent to the emperor reeled back in shock at the sight in front of him. "What happened to you, Sir?"

Hotohori sighed and rubbed her temples. "I don't know." She paced her quarters in an attempt to calm herself down. She was the EMPEROR for Suzaku's sake! She was a HE!! "I think I was cursed." This was really not good.

"Leave!" She heard Nuriko cry out. The servants left at once. Nuriko repeated himself to the advisor with a more stern voice. "Leave now! Don't you see the emperor wishes to be alone?"

Hotohori sighed in relief. Nuriko didn't change into a woman! "Leave me." She shooed away the advisor. After everyone left Hotohori smiled. "I see you didn't change."

"Actually..." Nuriko turned away.

Hotohori's heart sunk. Of course Nuriko didn't seen to change. He was already feminine, unlike the rest of the seishi. "This is not going to go over well." She sank into a chair. "What will happen if Kotu finds out?"

"Laugh?"

"This is no time for jokes." Hotohori glared.

"I'm serious! Nuriko moved in front of her empress. "If Nakago finds out and attacks I bet if we flash him, he will leave!" Nuriko tried to lighten the mood.

It didn't work. "Be serious!" 

*****

Meanwhile in Kotu...

*****

"Nakago!" Yui ran own the hallways of the Kotu palace. She had awaken that morning to find herself a man. He was tall, lean and even he had to admit, he was quite a good looking man.

A small flat-chested blond woman stepped out from around the corner. She was a good foot shorter than Yui and she wore the Shogun's clothing. Thou, the cloths did not fit her at all. "Yui-sama."

Yui suppressed a laugh as he recognized who exactly this blond woman was. The once towering Nakago was now a small woman that looked almost frail.

"What's going on?" Yui demanded.

"I do not know, Yui-sama." Nakago answered. His voice was now a high soprano, instead of the deep bass it usually was.

"Yui-sama!" A woman with short dirty blond, almost green hair ran down the hallways. Behind her floated one of the senchi's weapon of choice.

"Suboshi?"

"Yui-sama! You a man!"

"I know." Yui grumbled.

Suboshi turned to the Shogun. "Uh...It seems as if all the seishi has turned into um...the opposite sex.." Suboshi blushed

Nakago growled and adjusted her armor. She really looked uncomfortable with her new figure.

"NAKAGO-SAMA!!!" A male Soi and a female Tomo ripped down the hallway and flung themselves at the general all the while biting and scratching at one another.

Both collided with Nakago at the same moment. If Nakago was his normal self, the collision would have no affect on him. But due to her small frame, all three crashed to the ground in a giant heap.

"Nakago! Oh Nakago! What happened?" Soi cried. She was usually calm and collected, but no one blamed his outrageous behavior.

"I'm a woman!" Tomo fell onto Nakago and cried. "Does this mean I am straight?" Tomo still wore his normal makeup, but now she was much smaller and not as scary as he normally was. In fact she was kind of cute.

"It's not that bad." Amiboshi smiled sweetly as she held her flute. "It could be much worse." She feared her existence as the rest of the Seiryuu senchi glared at her with red hot hatred. "I don't like it either, but it could be worse..."

*****

Oh boy...both senchi have now switched genders...Can it get weirder? Survey says, YES!!! Oh God yes!! I have rated this fanfiction R because of vulgar things I will not be talking about now. I figured I could do the same in a Ranma 1/2 fic, but this seemed like more fun here. ^.^ (grows little horns. Yes, They are women. And I will keep them women for Quite a few months. (Women reader should catch on...O.o) Again I am sick and Evil.

Disclaimer: I am sorry if this causes any personal or mental or physical damage to you. I truly wish you read the rating. I do not own Fushigi Yugi and will not take responsibility for any mental pain. 


	2. Chapter 2

Hehe. I love Fushigi Yugi. I also love mentally scarring people. I've always wondered what would happen if these characters were put into the exact same position I've put them in. It's kind of a thing I guess...I think I've just reached a new level of insanity.

If anyone can think of things I can do to make this experience all the more painful, I would love it. So please R&R! I love reading reviews and adding some of the idea's into my little piece of painful fan-fiction.

******

Chapter 2:

******

Miaka groaned. It had been a few hours since she found out she was now a he. Amazingly, she took the change rather well. It was a shock to find herself taller and less feminine. He now stood at six feet, or close to that. He was quite good looking and decided that if he were still a she, Girl-Miaka would have drooled over herself at how bishonen she actually was. He looked like Keisuke did at this age, except his hair was much darker than his brother's.

Miaka realized the moment she was a he that the school uniform and the hairstyle had to go. A man in a dress did not phase her anymore thanks to Nuriko, but the dress she had with her figure would look far too odd and draw unneeded attention. She borrowed some of Tamahome's cloths (though she did not ask his permission). She took her hair down and tied it into a ponytail. 

Now he sat in the emperor's quarters with the rest of the seishi. Everyone except Miaka were talking at once, trying to make sense of the situation. Tasuki sounded the most outraged while Chichiri tried to calm everyone down. 

Nuriko sighed and gave Miaka a look that immediately told the Priest(-ess?) of Suzaku what he was thinking. Miaka stood up and tried in vain to get everyone's attention.

"Hey!" Nuriko shouted and slammed her fists lightly (in Nuriko's terms) on the table. "Miaka is trying to speak!"

Miaka smiled at her friend. "Look, this is probably the last thing all of you are thinking at the moment but, you all really need new cloths." 

"Your damn right that's the last thing I'm thinking!" Tasuki bellowed. "I don't want new damn cloths! I want my manhood back!"

Miaka sat back down. "You need new cloths. Women don't prance around in men's clothing like that!" Miaka blushed slightly. "Tomboys wear guy's cloths but they all wear one thing that all of you, except Nuriko, DON'T have."

"Oh! So Nuriko knows what we're all missing, huh?" Tasuki growled and crossed her arms over her chest. "And what does she have that I don't? A dress? I'm not wearing one!"

Miaka blush grew. "Your cloths don't fit you. They're falling off. You should at least find a smaller size." He cleared his throat as he came to what he NEEDED to tell them. This was so embarrassing. He could just die telling them this kind of stuff. "Well, you girls need to...um...wear a...bra." There, he said it. Nuriko could answer questions.

"What the hell is a 'bra'?" Tasuki snorted.

Nuriko cleared her throat and got everyone's attention. She let her hands motion exactly what a bra did. Everyone blushed a deep shade of red. "That's what a bra does." Nuriko tried to suppress a smile. She found this all to be very funny. 

Hotohori found herself uncomfortable in this group now. "Is that essential?"

Nuriko nodded. "Women wear them for support. From what I've heard girls say in the harem, your chest will feel heavy if you don't have a bra."

Nuriko stood up. "Come on, I'll find some cloths for you." Her face suddenly lit up and she faced Miaka. "Miaka-chan! Help me find colors and designs and accessories!" Nuriko smiled brightly. She loved to dress up the other girls in the harem, but she couldn't persuade many to let her work on them. This was a perfect opportunity to make her fellow seishi very beautiful.

Miaka got the idea and smiled as well. "We can do their hair and makeup too!"

The six of the Suzaku seven suddenly felt very ill. This was not going to end well. 

*****

Yui groaned in discomfort. He still wore his school uniform and desperately tried to lower the skirt. "Suboshi? Do you have ANYTHING I can change into?"

Suboshi nodded. "I'll get you something Yui-sama!" She smiled brightly then headed in the direction of her room.

Nakago growled as she tried to get use to her smaller body. She once again shifted her armor. It seemed the shoulder's on her cape were too heavy for the smaller Nakago. Her outfit made it seem she would tip over any moment. The woman would most likely fall over if she didn't stop pacing the hall.

Of course, Yui didn't think that would be a _bad _thing. It would certainly lighten the mood. But Nakago would have everyone who laughed (with the exception of Yui) whipped or killed.

"Nakago?" Yui stifled a laugh as the shogun tripped over the long cape. "Would you like something different to wear?"

Nakago looked quizzically at her priest(-ess?) "Why would I want to change?" She growled.

"You're practically falling out of your cloths!" Yui stood and walked over to Nakago. "You look pathetic!" Yui stepped back as she was given a glare of death. "I mean you don't fit into those cloths and people will laugh."

Nakago sneered. "I don't care what others think. If they laugh I will kill them."

"I know. But what if you fall down a flight of stairs? It is possible when your pants cover your feet." 

"Nakago-sama, Yui-sama has a point." Amiboshi secretly wished to see the shogun scream as she fell down a flight of stairs and end up on her face with her butt in the air. She bet everyone in the palace would enjoy to see that take place. But he realized exactly how large the death toll in Kotu would rise if that happened. 

"I will do it for safety reasons." Nakago growled. 

Yui smiled. Now she just had to find something that she could wear. A kimono was right out. Nakago would kill Yui if he even brought up the subject of wearing one. 

Amiboshi and Suboshi were still quite young and small. Nakago could fit into one of their outfits, but Yui already bothered the twins when he asked to borrow an outfit for himself. He couldn't ask anymore of them.

Soi was right out. As a woman, Soi was very...developed. Nakago would slip out of one of her outfits. She was just too small.

On the way to Yui's room, he thought over all other possibilities. None of the other seishi would fit her. This was beginning to be a real problem. 

And then it hit him. The solution to what Nakago could wear was right in front of his face. Better analogy, the solution was right on his body! When Suboshi gave him an outfit, Nakago could wear his uniform! Sure the shogun would protest. And the uniform would be a little too small for her, but it was a good plan. The most logical of choices.

Yui smiled wickedly. Nakago did help her out frequently, but she was always so mean to the other seishi. Yui knew it was to make them tougher. The twins were naive to the world as a whole. But Yui couldn't help feeling sorry for them. Nakago in a dress would make it up to them. At least it would be a good laugh (not in Nakago's presence, of course). 

******

Yes, I know. Yui's a little out of character. I couldn't think of a better way to get Nakago into a dress, so sue me. I personally think Yui should have some sense of humor here. If she was as serious here as she was in the show, it wouldn't be as funny. Don't you agree?

I love doing this. Making gender jokes is fun. Please R&R this story! Hugs and kisses for all! *throws out the little candies* More to people who review! Want more candy? REVIEW!!!

Disclaimer: I do believe the original characters are owned by Yu Watase. Actually, I know they are owned by Yu Watase! Except for Tamahome. I think he belongs to Miaka. And I think the devil owns Nakago (I'm kidding. I don't have anything against Nakago...oh wait! yes I do! *Runs around trying to squish SD Nakago with a mallet*)


	3. Chapter 3

Hello once again, my loyal fans! 

Tasuki pops in: Baka, their not fans of you, their MY fans! *does trademark fanged smirk and watches as many fan girls swoon*

Melyn: *beats Tasuki down with his tessen.* Well, school starts for me tomorrow *sob* But oh well. I have easy classes. Yay me! I got all my hard classes out of the way so senior year will be a breeze!

Chiriko pops in: Miss. Melyn! *hold up schedule* these aren't easy classes! Philosophy of Lit.! Modern Problems! Poetry! 

Melyn's eye twitches: Chiriko...I like those kind of classes...Exempt Mo Pro. *mumbles under breath* stupid required classes.

Chiriko smiles cutely: Can I take these classes with you?

Melyn: No, but you can do my homework! *throws economics book at the youngest seishi, who ducks and the huge book accidentally hits Nakago and the big guy is now out for the count.*

Soi and Tomo: Nakago-sama!

Nakago: I like kitties...

O.o...um...just read the story now...before I die a terrible death...I think I'll blame this on Rhia...

*****

The seishi were grateful to Nuriko and Miaka helping them come to understand what was happening to them, but they felt like killing their teammates right at this moment. Nuriko said 'bra.' They thought they would be getting something like Miaka had. (Well, at least that's what Tamahome thought being he was the only one to actually see Miaka in a bra). Instead Nuriko decided to give them full makeovers.

Now, that wasn't so bad to start out with. They did realize they were women now, but it never occurred to them all the pain and suffering women went through just to look 'decent'. Of course Nuriko was the type of person who would start off with a simple kimono, then elaborate from that.

She put each seishi in elaborate kimonos she chose herself. She found colors that matched everyone's features and designs on the kimono's to show personalities. Then she went and found obi's that matched the kimono, and the season and the weather and so many other elements they didn't want to even think about.

Nuriko picked out each kimono for each seishi before she even began to dress them. The new women had no idea what to expect when wearing women's clothing, but the sheer time and effort in putting a woman's kimono on was painfully long.

It seemed kimono wearing was an elaborate process that went in a certain order and not much different than putting on a men's kimono. First you put on the socks, then the underskirt and undershirt. You put on the kimono with the left side over the right, then you tie the obi. The main difference with the obi's was the fact that the women's were much wider than the men's. That and the women's obi had elaborate designs on them where the men's were usually simple patterns.

What truly surprised the seishi was the fact these pure silk kimono's were extremely heavy. (This didn't surprise Hotohori, being that she wore pure silk garments everyday.) 

Next Nuriko fixed their hair. She put their hair (the senchi with long enough hair, that is) into exquisite designs she learned long ago from other women in the emperor's harem. Nuriko smiled in satisfaction when she finished.

She had put Tamahome into a beautiful dark blue kimono that accented her hair color and eyes. The simple pattern of golden fireflies flying threw a field of green made it a good fit for the seishi. The obi was a forest green with a meadow pattern.

Tamahome's first thought when he saw the kimono she was to wear was 'Gee, how much could I make if I sold this in the market place...?' She quickly cast off the thought when she realized the amount of pain she would go through if Nuriko were to find out one of the most beautiful kimono's was sold for a price much lower than it was worth.

Tasuki wore a bright orange kimono with a pattern of flames. Nuriko found this one and immediately brought it out for the former bandit leader. It fit her personality perfectly. The obi was a yellow and gold pattern with no actual shape. 

Tasuki swore that she would kill Nuriko fir this...if she could move in the heavy tight garment. Nuriko and Miaka found it safest to hide her tessen and hope Tasuki didn't find a way to run in the apparel they put her in. 

Chichiri was put into a violet kimono with a pattern of lilies. The deep color contradicted with her light sky blue hair in a perfect manner. The obi was light blue and light violet design of flowers. So far she seemed the calmest when told to put on the kimono. She didn't even put up a fight like the last two.

Nuriko put Hotohori in a blood red kimono with Suzaku flying up the side. Her obi was a deep blue. The entire garment was one of the most beautiful kimono's in the palace. Nuriko knew this was one only to be graced by royalty, and at the time being, the emperor was the only woman in the kingdom allowed to wear such a beautiful piece. 

Mitsukake was put into a yellow kimono with a simple forest pattern. Her obi was violet. She looked like a homely girl. Tama-neko sat on her shoulder as usual. It seemed being a woman didn't affect her the way it did the rest of the seishi. She remained calm and collected and unlike the rest of the seishi (exempt Nuriko), she seemed to know more about the female anatomy. That was probably due to the fact she _is _a doctor and she did treat female patients quite often. 

Chiriko wore a bright green kimono with a pink obi. In all truth, the seishi didn't see a difference in Chiriko. She still looked like old _boy_ Chiriko.

Nuriko hummed as she brushed the empress' hair. This was probably the only chance she would have to brush threw the fine luscious locks the emperor had. She decided to put the empress' hair into a simple bun, although she wished to put the deep chocolate colored hair into something much more elaborate but, simple is best. Besides, who knows how Hotohori would react to a design with many buns and loops and charms. Nuriko decided to try those out another day...

Better yet! Tamahome had long hair (sort of) and Chiriko had long hair. There was also Tasuki. Sure it wasn't nearly as long as the others. But with enough barrettes and pins Nuriko could make a decent bun in the bandit's hair.

Nuriko giggled at what Koji and the other bandits would think if they saw their former leader in a kimono and with a feminine hair style. (Koji: O.o;...)

"Nuriko?" The empress whimpered as her fellow senchi accidentally pulled her hair. "Nuriko!"

The violet haired woman blushed when she realized she what she was pulling. "Hotohori-sama! I'm sorry! I didn't realize I was pulling!" Nuriko quickly finished the bun and backed up. 

The ruler of the country growled lightly and rubbed her sore head. "Nuriko, please watch what you are doing next time."

"Sorry."

******

"Yui-sama," Nakago growled a warning to the priest(ess).

"I'm sorry Nakago! It's the only thing your size!" Yui suppressed his laughter as he finished dressing the shogun. "You truly don't look half bad!"

Suboshi turned to her sister and whispered. "You also don't look half good." Both twins giggled.

Nakago glowered at the two. "What is so funny?"

"Uh..." Both looked around franticly for something they could laugh at that wouldn't get them killed. "Tomo." They said in unison. "He's funny as a she..."

It was an obvious lie to everyone in the room, but for some reason Nakago didn't notice.

Tomo leaned over. "You two will pay later." She growled.

"I look like a woman." Nakago snarled.

"That's because you are a woman." Yui muttered. A thought passed into his mind and he smiled wickedly. "Suboshi-chan! Can you hand me the bag on the bed?"

Suboshi eyed her priest(ess) and retrieved the light blue bag that sat on Yui's bed. The Seiryuu seishi handed the bag to Yui, but didn't go back to her place near her sister. She was far too curious on what Yui-kun was up to.

Yui opened the bag he had always kept in her uniform pocket at school. It was nothing he really thought much of, until now. He kept a hairbrush and hair pins in the bag, due to the fact her third class of the day was gym and everyone knows how messy your hair can get after running the mile.

The hair clips and pins were just in case his hair wouldn't go back into place properly and was a absolute mess. That and Miaka was a baka and always seemed to loose at least one of her red ribbons on track day.

Now it seemed that the priestess of Suzaku would be useful to his plans. He smiled and began to pull the shogun's hair back and tied it into a ponytail with a deep blue ribbon.

"Yui-sama?" Nakago sounded worried for some reason. Maybe it was due to the rest of the Seiryuu seishi turning blue to the lack of air they were receiving by not laughing.

"Just fixing you up!" Yui hoped beyond hope Nakago was not as powerful as a woman with the chi blasts.

Yui dug deeper into his bag and pulled out her facial powder and eyeliner. "Soi, care to help me?" He held up the makeup case's high for the other former woman to see.

Soi smirked. He loved Nakago, but this would be priceless. "Alright!" 

He walked up in front of Nakago. "Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Um..." Both men looked at each other. Telling the most powerful man they knew 'We're gonna make you pretty!' didn't sound like the appropriate thing to say. 

Yui thought quickly and finally blurted out. "Magic! It's magic from my world! Blocks...attacks..."

Soi nodded. "Yes....it also...um...makes you...less suspicious looking..."

Nakago thought over what they said and closed her eyes. Both men exchanged looks and shrugged. They both happily made Nakago pretty.

While this was going on, Amiboshi, Suboshi and Tomo snuck out of the room and shut the door. They stood in silence for half a second then they all fell over laughing.

*****

O.o...

Wow...that was a little disturbing... The Seiryuu seishi is waaay out of character... But still, I put they put Nakago in a dress and did his makeup! (listens to fans cheer) Ah, the sounds of happiness.

Nakago: You know I will kill you for this.

Me: Aww, you've been saying that for a long long time, Nagi!

Nakago: Nagi?!

^.^ Well, I'll get the next chapter up soon. Next chapter the author turns super evil to the cast! *grows little horns* Next chapter will be completed in school and will be posted...sometime...

The disclaimer that everyone is aware of and everyone hates writing...*sigh*: *Melyn takes a deep breath and holds up a megaphone as she stands on top of her house* I DO NOT OWN FUSHIGI YUGI!!!!! *Neighbors turn and look at Melyn and mumble 'that girls never been in the right state of mind'...*

*Melyn smirks and starts to sing random songs and says random quotes until the police show up*

Police: Miss. Tenshi! Please come down! There are some very nice doctors who would like to have a word with you!

Melyn: . Busted...*climbs down as the doctors take her away to the land of happy bunnies and padded walls.* You know...I have always relied on the kindness of strangers.

*NOTE* Melyn does not hold rights to the quote she stupidly used from 'A streetcar named desire'. Don't sue her for that either. 


	4. Chapter 4

*Sigh* This is a fun chapter. I really like it. I hope you people with sick minds like mine like it too!

Tamahome: Sick doesn't begin to cover it.

Tasuki: Yer one sad person, Melyn, ya know that? 

Hehe. The boys like it! That should be enough encouragement for you to read it!

Chibi Tamahome and Tasuki hold up signs that say 'Go back now! Not a good chapter!'

Melyn *bops them over the head with Tasuki's tessen* Have fun reading this and please review!!

*****

Chapter 4

*****

Tamahome screamed bloody murder and bolted out of her room. Tears streamed down the seishi's face as she rounded a corner and collided with Tasuki.

The impact was too much for the women and they both fell to the floor.

"What da fuck?!" Tasuki screamed and pushed the teal haired woman off. "What da hell is goin' on?!" She shook Tamahome.

"I...I..." Tamahome sobbed and fell onto her fellow seishi. "I'm dying!" She cried into the others chest. "Oh Tasuki! I'm gonna die!"

Tasuki's eye's widened to the size of saucers. "What do ya mean yer dyin?"

"I mean I'm dying!" Tamahome yelled into Tasuki's chest. "You have to help me!"

Tasuki sighed. "Why do ya think yer dyin'?"

"Well..." Tamahome looked up at the fiery woman she was clinging to. "When I woke up this morning I was bleeding." Tamahome blushed a brilliant shade of red.

"So what if you were bleedin'!" Tasuki yelled. "You could've hit something' sharp in the night! I do dat all the time! It don't mean yer dying!"

"I was bleeding in a place I shouldn't be bleeding..." Tamahome squeaked. "I was bleeding..._there_..." 

Tasuki looked at her with puzzlement clearly written on her face. "There?"

Tamahome gestured downward. "There."

Tasuki choked on her tongue as she realized where exactly Tamahome was bleeding. She quickly jumped to her feet and backed away. "Stay da fuck away from me!"

"Tasuki!" Tamahome whined.

"Look, if what you've got is contagious I don't want it!"

Tamahome looked down and the tears started up again. 

Tasuki never imagined he would ever see Tamahome of all people cry. "Aw Tama! Don't do that!" The wing seishi rolled her eyes and sat next to Tamahome. She wrapped her arms around the, now shaking, Tamahome.

This was not good. Tasuki's reputation of being the 'bad boy' was on the line just by helping out a friend. Even worse. If a maid or someone else saw this she would never forget it, Nuriko would be sure of that. But the worst thing that could happen would be if someone showed up and think she hurt Tamahome's feelings. she just knew Miaka or Nuriko would beat her to a bloody pulp if that ever happened.

"Look, Tama." Tasuki said as soothingly as he could. "We'll find Mitsukake and she'll fix ya right up."

Tamahome sniffled and nodded.

"What is going on?"

Tasuki and Tamahome looked up to see a wide eye empress staring at them both. "Tamahome...Tasuki...is there something I should know?" The empress crossed her arms over her chest and glared.

Tasuki blushed and backed off of Tamahome. "Nothin's goin on! Tama here was jus cryin!"

Hotohori glared at Tasuki. "And why is Tamahome crying?"

'Oh god oh god oh god!' Tasuki's mind told her she was screwed either which way. "Tama was cryin because..."

"I'm dying." Tamahome mumbled and pulled her knees to her chest. Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm dying and I can't stop crying!" She wailed and buried her face in the cloth covering her knees.

Hotohori's eyes grew sympathetic. She kneeled next to her companion and laid a hand on her shoulder. "You don't look like your dying."

"I think he is." Tasuki knelt on Tamahome's other side.

Hotohori glared at the other woman and Tasuki continued. She told the empress everything Tamahome told her. The whole time Tamahome just wept.

Once Tasuki finished, Hotohori had to pick her jaw up off the floor. To all three former men, it seemed as if Tamahome was in fact dying. They all came to the conclusion of finding Mitsukake and having the good doctor heal poor Tamahome.

After a few minutes Tamahome was able to stand without her knees shaking. The threesome made their way threw the halls and to Mitsukake's room.

"Ow!" Tamahome bent over in pain and grabbed her stomach. Hotohori and Tasuki grabbed either end of Tamahome, keeping the woman from falling to the ground.

"What's the matter?" Hotohori forced the pained woman to the floor slowly.

"It hurts!" Tamahome cried out. "My stomach hurts so bad..."

"Tasuki! Run! Get Mitsukake now!" Hotohori ordered. The empress stayed at Tamahome's side. "You will be ok. It's probably something you ate."

"But I didn't eat any of Miaka's cooking!"

Hotohori felt all hope slipping away. Whatever was happening to Tamahome was not natural. How could something like _that _be natural?

"Tamahome!" Miaka ripped threw the hallways to his girlfriend. He was closely followed by Mitsukake, Nuriko, Chichiri and Tasuki. "Tamahome! What happened?!"

"This morning she woke up bleeding in the most unusual of places, then she doubled over in pain just a second ago. " Hotohori explained. "I think she might be dying!"

Miaka gasped and hugged his love. "It will be alright!"

"What do you mean by 'bleeding'?" Mitsukake knelt down. Tasuki leaned over and whispered where Tamahome was bleeding into the doctors ear.

Mitsukake laughed. "She's not dying. What's happening is natural!"

Nuriko caught on. "You mean she's..."

The doctor nodded.

Nuriko burst out laughing and held onto Chichiri for support. "You mean...you didn't know...what that bleeding meant?!" Nuriko gasped out between breaths. 

The three women shook their heads. They all looked relived, but disgusted, to learn that was natural. "What does it mean?"

"'That time of the month.' Does that phrase have any meaning to you, no da?" Chichiri tried hard not to laugh. Here was three grown former men who knew nothing of women.

"Uh...My sisters grew bitchy once a month an' my dad always said, 'looks like it's that time of the month'. That's all I know." Tasuki shuttered in remembrance of his childhood.

The other two just shook their heads dumbly.

"It's quite simple." Nuriko laughed. "Didn't your parents warn you about things like that? Mine did." 

"I know!" Miaka smiled. "For one my health book has a use!" Miaka ran down the hall to find the book in question, and a few other...things...to help poor Tamahome.

'The poor girl.' Miaka thought sadly. 'She's not gonna be a happy person for a week.'

*****

"Yui-sama." Nakago growled "Are you sure this 'makeup' is working?"

"It takes time to work." Yui lied and prayed that the guards would stop their wolf whistles. 

"What the hell are they whistle at?" Nakago glared at the four guard in question. "This is humiliating. I will have them killed."

"Uh...Their whistling at the twins! The twins are cute looking girls!" Oh God he hoped she would fall for that.

"And I'm not?"

"They recognize their leader!" Yui signaled for the guards to stop at once, but they didn't. "They wouldn't dare do that to the great Nakago!" He knew those guard would be dead by the end of the day. He just knew it.

"Hey Baby." One of the guards stopped the shogun and leaned on the wall in front of her. "Why are you in such a hurry?"

Nakago glared and tried to move past the idiot. "Get out of my way, Subordinate."

"Now now!" The guard laughed and pulled Nakago into a hold that had sexual harassment charges written all over it. "I haven't seen you around her at all. What's your name Sweetie?"

Nakago fumed at this and struggled to break free. It seemed she was much weaker as a female as well.

The guard laughed and tipped Nakago back, making the Seiryuu seishi off balance. "I can't let you leave! You too pretty to get away from me!" He bent down and licked Nakago's neck. "I wanna have some fun first."

Nakago's chi flared up. "Get off of me NOW!" She pushed the guard off her with just her life force. The guard fell back and hit the ground hard.

He and the other guards looked at the small woman's forehead. The symbol of 'Heart' glowed a deep blue.

"N...Nakago-sama!" They all yelled in fear. "We're so sorry! We didn't know it was you!"

"I want him executed...slowly." Nakago glared and walked off. An angry blue blaze made the pissed woman glow brightly. 

Yui was right behind him. This was not good. But, the guard did deserve what came to him. At least the other guards will be wary the next time a pretty girl passed. When they turned back to normal, she and Soi would be grateful for this display. The guards in this palace were such pigs. 

******

Oi! I finished more! How'd you like the Suzaku scene? I bet those three have no clue about women and 'that time of the month'. Mitsukake would. He's a doctor for cryin-out-loud! Nuriko definitely would. And I bet anything Chichiri knows as well. He just seems to know lots, why not this?

Well, please Review this chapter! I'm going to go beddy-bye.


	5. Chapter 5

Lalala...I really should work on this story more. I know people like it. ^.^

I don't really know where I'm going with this so suggestions on how to, you know, make the cast squirm is very much appreciated.

This is a note to Cyrida Whiteraven, yes, there is fanart! Oh joy! Right now I am working on building a website (and I've been doing this since oh, let's say Julyish...)

The process would be much easier is the guy building it would get off his lazy butt and work on it. Or maybe I could learn HTML. Either which way, I do have fanart and sometime here I will have a site to post it at. 

So anyway...on with the fic!

*****

Chapter 5

*****

The Suzaku seishi was on edge for the next week. After the 'Tamahome incident', as they now called it, all the former men (namely Hotohori and Tasuki) feared what 'it' would do to them.

Tamahome was very moody that week and her attitude changed on a dime. One minute she was happy as a clam. The next instant she was bawling over how her tea was cold. Then she became violent towards Tasuki and said some harsh comments concerning the red heads height and bust size. 

Tamahome then broke down crying again and complained about cramps. Miaka handed the poor woman two pills from a bottle marked 'midol.' Tamahome soon settled down and acted somewhat normal.

"What other secrets do these woman have?" Hotohori pondered to herself. This whole experience was great for learning, but oh holy Suzaku were these woman confusing. It seemed she had learned more in the past two weeks about woman than she had known her whole life. (And some of the stuff she learned she really did not want to know.)

"Hotohori-sama." Nuriko sighed and patted the empress gently on the back. "Pray you will never know everything about women."

"Why not?"

"Trust me." Nuriko sighed. "Some of women's secrets are meant to be secrets."

"No!" Chiriko ran into the meeting room and slammed the door shut. She plopped down at the table and sulked.

The senchi stared blankly at the little girl for a few minutes. "Chiriko..?"

"What?" The seishi snapped and glared at them. 

"Uh...it's nothing, Chiriko..." Nuriko waved it off. 

"Then why are you staring." She growled. The look on her face could have sent the all of the Mt. Reikaku bandits running for the hills.

"What's wit her?" Tasuki whispered to Hotohori.

The empress shrugged. "I don't know." She whispered back. "Maybe Chiriko is just in a bad mood today."

"You're talking about me, aren't you..." Chiriko's eyes swelled with tears. "Why are you being so mean to me? What did I do?"

"No no!" Miaka leaped to the little girl and wrapped her in a hug. "They were not saying things about you! They were discussing...Kuto!"

"Really?" Chiriko wiped away her tears. "Do you mean it?"

Miaka nodded. "While were planning this, you go and study, alright?" 

Chiriko smiled. "Alright! I'll see you later!" She almost bounced out of the room and hummed a happy tune.

Everyone let out the breath they did not realize they were holding. "What was that?" 

"My cousin is thirteen right now and she is a real pain." Miaka sighed. "Mood swings galore. Hormones are way outta whack at that age."

"So Chiriko is gonna be like dat everyday?!" Tasuki groaned. "And I thought dat one week thing was bad."

Miaka nodded. "I'm afraid so."

Everyone groaned and simultaneously slammed their heads into the table. This would be a long adventure...

******

The Kuto place felt the rage of Nakago since the episode with the guards. Soi and Yui stayed the furthest away from the shogun, even if he had nothing against them for the time being. Amiboshi and Suboshi hung out in their room and did not come out for anything. Tomo just kept away. She knew her presence around Nakago at this time would cause a major disaster, mainly to herself. Besides, she always had Shin if she needed company.

"Yui-sama?" Suboshi watched as the priest(ess) of Seiryuu entered the twin's room.

"Hi." Yui sat on Suboshi's bed. "I was board. How are you?"

"Good." Suboshi sighed. "How mad is Nakago-sama?"

"Um...let's wait a few more day's before talking to her..." Yui sighed. "Did you know that most of the guards tried to call in sick this week? It didn't work and all of them are here." 

"Too bad for them." Amiboshi cracked a smile. 

"Look, I need to go past Nakago's room..."

I'm not going there!" The twins yelled in unison. 

"Please?"

Suboshi gulped. "Nakago's really angry..."

"Please..."

"What do you need beyond her room anyway?" Amiboshi eyed her priest(ess).

"I left my little blue bag in there the other day. I want it back."

"No way! I'm not doing it! Going past her room is one thing, entering it is a death wish."

"Just stand outside of her room." Yui hissed. "She's out right now making sure everyone is in their place."

"Alright." Suboshi sighed. "We'll do it."

"We?! Where does this 'we' fit in here?! I did not agree to do this." Amiboshi folded her arms across her chest and glared.

*****

"I really hate you for this." Amiboshi growled at her twin. The two stood outside Nakago's room and watched for the shogun to return.

After ten minutes (which seemed like an eternity) Yui exited the room, his blue bag in hand. "Let's go..." He whispered.

The trio crept around a corner and came face to face with Nakago. 

"Uh... Hello Nakago..." Yui forced a smiled. "How are you?"

Nakago glowered. "Why are you here? The twins have no reason to be down here."

The twins began to pray for their immortal souls.

"Um...we were going to take Ashitare on a walk." Oh, that was probably the worst lie ever. "He...she has been locked up for so long I thought it would be a good idea to--"

Nakago glared. "That would be dangerous to do, Yui-sama."

"Y...your right. I'm sorry." Yui pushed the twins away. "Well, I guess I'll see you later." 

"Yui-sama." 

The priest(ess) stopped in her tracks and faced the pissed woman. "Yes?" He squeaked

"Next time ask before entering my quarters."

"Sorry!" Yui, Suboshi and Amiboshi were thankful the shogun was not too angry at them. Sure she wouldn't do anything to Yui, but the twins were quite a different story.

Maybe they would stay in their room just a bit longer than they originally planed...

*****

*Yawn* Melyn is tired and has a big report due tomorrow. That is not a good combination. Anyway...Review. Melyn likes to read reviews.

Now to start that report.... 

Disclaimer: I am not Yu Watase. I will never be Yu Watase. I'm sorry to disappoint all of you loyal readers who think that I am Yu Watase, because I am not her. She lives in Japan and I live in Minnesota. She has money. I am broke. She is worshiped by fans from across the globe. I am worshiped at my school for my knowledge of amine. As you can see, we are two different people. She makes money off of Fushigi Yugi. I make diddly-squat at my work, which has nothing to do with Fushigi Yugi.

Thank you for your time.


	6. Chapter 6

Please don't hurt me! I know I really should be working harder on these stories! But it is safe to say that I'm not dead! Yay! I do live...sort of...ok, I'm alive but I have no life. Does that work? Yeah...

Well, anywho I have tried to work on this, but the Writers Block demon decided to bite me in the ass, so I have been in a slump. It appears that the Writers Block demon has a brother, the Artists Block demon. And that too had bitten me. Oh joy. 

Well, even though I have been infested with this horrible demon, I decided the only cure for writers block was to write. Now, I know it is oxymoron-ish, but bare with me. I will try to write no matter how bad it truly is. 

Here is my pathetic attempt at a chapter...

Man! I feel like a woman!

"Uh...Chiriko...you see...um..." Miaka tried to find the right words. This was not the first time she ever had this talk, but she figured she would be much older before giving it. It seemed much easier being on the receiving end. "Chiriko...when your reach..."

Mitsukake and him just had to draw straws to see who would explain the birds and the bees to the thirteen year old girl.

"Miaka-chan?" Chiriko stared blankly at her priest(ess)

"When you reach a certain age..." Miaka turned beet red. How did his mom do it? "You go through...changes...and..."

Ok, he was bombing "the talk". Chiriko looked more confused now than she did a moment ago.

Miaka looked around franticly. There had to be a way out of this.

"Uh...Chiriko...what do you know about...stuff..." Where were the Barbie and Ken doll when you needed them? That's what his mom used to show how everything went.

"Miaka, I...I don't understand..." 

It caught Miaka's eye. His savior! He scrambled across the room and scooped it up. He then thrust it into Chiriko's arms. "Read chapter fourteen!" He squeaked and turned even more red.

He stood up to leave. "If...if you have any...any questions...ask Mitsukake!" He turned back to see the book open and in Chiriko's lap.

"Sex..." Chiriko read out loud. "When a person reaches the age of around thirteen their body will go through changes...Miaka..?" Chiriko flushed a red hue. "There are pictures in this book..."

"Uh...yeah...study it and I will...um...test you on it..." Miaka ran out of the room in a fit of embarrassment.

Hotohori paced her quarters at a fast pace. It was plainly obvious to everybody that the empress was not in the best of moods this day. 

"Highness?"

"What?" Hotohori glared daggers at her advisor. 

"Uh..." The elder man stepped back. "Nothing, sir...er...madam..." 

"Then get out. I wish to be alone." Hotohori sat down "NOW! I want to be alone...and send in Nuriko."

"Yes...madam..." The advisors looked at one another and shrugged. They left and sent Nuriko in.

"Hotohori-sama?" Nuriko knocked and entered her empress's room. 'You wanted to see me?"

Hotohori bit her lower lip and looked away from her friend. "Nuriko...I don't know..."

"Know what?" Nuriko smiled and sat in a chair next to the love of her life. She noticed a small droplet on the empresses face. "Hotohori-sama?" She brushed the tear away.

Hotohori's golden eyes locked with Nuriko's lavender ones. "Am I beautiful?"

Nuriko was stunned. Hotohori never questioned her beauty before what could possibly...oh wait...that time of the month..."Of course you are! Why would you think you weren't?"

Hotohori let out an exasperated sigh. "I don't know. I just feel... Nuriko? Do I look fat?"

Nuriko shook her head. "Of course you don't look fat! You are just as pretty as you were yesterday and they day before that." 

Hotohori smiled. "Thank you."

Nuriko pulled Hotohori into a tight hug. "Do you want some of that candy Miaka calls chocolate?"

Hotohori nodded. "Yeah."

Tamahome sighed as she walked down the halls. Last week was pure hell and all she wanted was to be a man again. Being a woman was so weird. His though patters were much different. He wondered is all women though about what another woman was wearing this often...

She passed by the emperors harem as she made her way back to the palace when a beautiful young woman caught her eye. 'She was not wearing those shoes with that outfit, is she?' Oh sweet Suzaku! what was happening to her?! She was thinking about how other women were dressing! 

Before all she thought about as a man was... What if Miaka was thinking these kind of thoughts about other women...

No! that was preposterous! Miaka was a woman!...By birth... He couldn't be thinking these things...could he..?

"Oi! Wench!" Tamahome heard a familiar voice 

She turned around to see who had the nerve to call her 'wench' with flaming eyes and a flaring temper. "Who do you think you--" Tamahome's scowl turned into a sly smirk. "Oh...It's you."

I'm sorry! I can't think of any fun things to do to the Seiryuu senchi without taking up a whole chapter!! Next time! Next time!

Well... I hope this chapter is decent. It is much better that I first thought it would be. thanks and Review!!!! ^.^ Please review. Melyn feeds off reviews. They give her strength. She needs her strength. review....review....

Disclaimer: It wasn't mine the last chapter and, to the best of my knowledge, it hasn't changed. I still hold no rights to Fushigi Yugi, though I wish I did at times...


	7. Chapter 7

I really neglected this fic... I'm so sorry! I promise to work on it more here! I really have no more to say... so....um... I'll get on with the fic....

Oh! I found a place to post my art! www.mediaminor.org Under artists, Melyn the Otaku, that's my stuff! I'm working on posting more here so...

******

Chapter 7

******

Yui looked up from his Japanese-English dictionary to see Suboshi walk by. His face was so red he could have sworn she had burnt herself. As the young girl passed, he heard her mumbling under her breath. "Not again. Not again. Not again..." 

"Suboshi?" He set down the book and walked into the girls path. "Suboshi, what's wrong?"

Suboshi looked up with wide eyes. "I accidentally did it again." Her eyes once again fell to the floor.

"Did _what _again?" Amiboshi appeared.

"I walked in on Nakago-sama and Soi...again..."

A look of disgust crossed both of their faces. Poor Suboshi had the worst timing. She always seemed to walk into the most inappropriate things when it came to affairs and Nakago. 

"You should really learn to knock." Amiboshi patted her sister on the back. "Doing that could save you a world of pain."

"I know." Suboshi mumbled. "I just kind of forget..."

"Try not to forget next time."

Suboshi nodded and walked off mumbling something about jabbing her own eyes out with a fork.

Amiboshi shuttered. "Why does Nakago-sama go off and do that without locking the doors!"

"She's the shogun and no one would dare walk into her quarters without permission."

"True." Amiboshi nodded. "But why would she go and do that now?"

Yui hated spelling out Nakago's affairs. He didn't want to think about what she and Soi did, let alone talk about it. "Because she likes her chi raised." 

Amiboshi snickered like the adolescent she was. "I didn't think he could _raise_ anything." 

Yui gasped and began to flush red. "Amiboshi! If you weren't a girl I'd hit you for that comment!"

"Sorry Yui-sama." Amiboshi turned on heel and went off in search of her sister.

******

"Shin, it's not fair!" Tomo whined to his clam. "I'm a woman now and Nakago still goes to that whore Soi. She should be coming to me.

But would I want Nakago now? I am a woman now....but I still like men...Shin, does that make me straight?"

Tomo paced her room. "I think I still love Nakago...so am I now a lesbian? This is so confusing!"

Tomo pouted and flopped down onto her bed. "Wait...Nakago still goes to Soi...Soi is now a man...Does that mean Nakago's bi?!"

Tomo stared at her clam. "Shin, do I have a chance with Nakago-sama? Does Nakago even _like_ Soi? Does he just go to that slut because of her 'ooh-ahh-I-can-raise-a-person's-life-force-threw-sex' trick?"

Tomo gasped and sat up. "Maybe Nakago harbors secret feelings for me but is afraid to show them because of her status in the government. Maybe after she rules everything he will come to me and take me to rule by his side!" Tomo cackled like a gitty schoolgirl.

Maybe Tomo is delusional...

******

Ok, that wasn't that long....once again, gomen. I promise to work harder on the next chapter....


	8. Chapter 8

Hi people! *Melyn waves* Sorry I haven't updated for a while...(it seems I've been saying that since chapter 2...) Well, your wait is over! Here's the next chapter! I'm so hyped for this! It's about as exciting as well...stuff!

Ooh! Ooh! I was at the movie store yesterday and I saw something I want for Christmas! And if I don't get it for Christmas, Santa's getting a veeeerrry nasty letter sent by a veeerrry obsessed Fushigi Yugi fan. 

I saw the Ekoden Saga! It's a pretty green box with Suzaku! I was drooling over it for ten minutes then one of the workers came by and asked if I needed any help. I told him no, I was just daydreaming about owning that. And he looked at what I had and was like "The Ekoden Saga came out!" And then we got into a very deep conversation about Fushigi Yugi (he liked Nuriko). Unfortunately, he had a girlfriend (who didn't like Fushigi Yugi or anime) so I put the box back and left the store.

*sigh* That always happens to me...Oh well, I'll wait a month and try him again. Since his girlfriend doesn't like anime and he was an otaku, that relationship won't last long...hopefully... 

*****

Oi! Wench!" Tamahome heard a familiar voice 

She turned around to see who had the nerve to call her 'wench' with flaming eyes and a flaring temper. "Who do you think you--" Tamahome's scowl turned into a sly smirk. "Oh...It's you."

The man eyed her. "Do I know ya?"

The wheels in her evil mind spun furiously. She put a hand to her face and pretended to hide a giggle and a blush. "How can I not know you. Tasuki-sama talks about you all the time."

Koji smirked. "He talks 'bout me all the time?" He moved closer to the woman. "What kind of things does he tell ya?"

Tamahome put a hand on his chest and giggled again. "He talks about you so much...You are more handsome than I thought."

"Ah...um...ah.." Koji seemed to be at a loss for words "W...where's Genro?"

"I can take you to him." Tamahome dropped her arm and turned around. "Follow me."

"Miss...haven't I met ya somewhere before?" 

"I don't think so."

"Ya sure? Ya look very familiar."

Tamahome gulped. "I...I guess I have that kind of face...Here's Tasuki-sama's room!" She said a bit louder than she intended.

"Thanks...I...I'll see ya later then..." Koji had a slight blush.

******

Tasuki yawned as she laid on her bed. She had thrown those damn women's cloths over the fence (much to Nuriko's dissatisfaction.) and now she lounged in her men's cloths, which were much more comfortable.

"...Here's Tasuki-sama's room!" Tamahome said from the other side of the door. What was she up to...

"Tasuki...sama..?" She said out loud. Sense when did Tama say that sorta thing about _her_? This was not good, whatever she was up to had a bad ending for Tasuki.

"Thanks...I...I'll see ya later then..."

Tasuki's eyes widened to the point where they would have fallen out of their sockets as her face paled. "Koji!"

She tried to leap out of bed, but got tangled in the sheets and crashed to the floor. She scrambled to the window as she heard it sliding open.

"Um...Miss," She heard Koji say as her body was halfway out. "Yer secret's safe with me.'

Tasuki didn't stay to hear what that bitch's secret was. She gave one final push with her feet and landed in the shallow pond.

*****

"My...secret..?" Tamahome squeaked. Was it possible Koji found out she was actually a he?

"Yeah." Koji smirked. "You, a lady, hanging with bandits and all...I promise I won't tell the emperor you've been hanging with my kind and give you a bad name."

"That's..." Not the answer she thought it would be. "Sweet." She turned to leave.

"Miss!" Koji called.

"Yes?"

"Genro's not in here..." Koji pointed in the room.

Damn her! Tamahome growled. She must have heard them coming. "Nuriko!" Tamahome snarled and ran in the direction of her fellow seishi's room.

"Wait!" Koji followed.

*****

Tasuki spit out the water in her mouth and made her way out of the fish pond. 

"Tasuki?!" She looked up to see Nuriko and Hotohori gaping in horror at her. 

"Hi. I kinda fell out my window...can I have that dress back ...like...now."

"No, but I will get you something you can ruin." Nuriko shook her head and walked off in a daze.

"Thanks!" Tasuki walked out of the pond. "Hey." She nodded a hello to the empress.

Hotohori backed a few steps back. "Don't you dare drip that dirty water on me."

Tasuki shrugged and took of her shirt to ring it out. "Will do."

"Haven't you ever heard of modesty?"

Tasuki didn't have a chance to answer as Nuriko returned with a well worn cotton dress. "Thanks!" She quickly put it on and made a mad dash away.

"What was that?" Hotohori pointed.

Nuriko shrugged. "I think she's lost her mind." 

"Where is she!" Tamahome stomped up to Nuriko. "Where is Tasuki!"

Both women pointed in the direction she left in. Tamahome stormed off and was followed closely by a very confused looking bandit.

"So..." Hotohori nodded in the awkward silence they were left in. "Want to follow?"

"Sure."

******

Tasuki panicked as she heard Koji and the bitch nearing her hiding place. She had to think fast. There was no way in hell that Koji was going to find out about this.

"Tasuki-sama!" She heard Tamahome growl out. 

Tasuki gulped. It was either Tama would tell him or she would. It would sound much better coming from her than Tamahome, that was for sure, but she still didn't want Koji finding out! Then it hit Tasuki like a ton of bricks. An idea that would save her ass.

Tasuki gulped and hoped Koji wouldn't see through the lie...

*****

"Tasuki!" Tamahome barked.

Koji jumped back and was prepared to arm himself against the venomous looking woman standing in front of him. 

"Hi!" Tasuki bounced out of a room and ran over to the two standing there. It seemed she was doing a poor Miaka impression. (Well, Miaka when he was a she and just found a banquet of food specially made for her and her alone.) "Koji-san!" She shoved Tamahome away. "How are you!"

Koji looked more terrified now than he did three seconds earlier. "W...who are you?"

"I'm Tasuki's...twin...sister!"

"I knew he had a sister, but not a twin!" Koji smiled. "Where is Genro?"

"Out." Tasuki nodded. "He went out."

"Oh..." Koji sounded disappointed. "When will he be back miss..."

Tasuki's eyes widened. "My name is...uh...Reika...."

"Reika...I think I've heard that before..." Koji scratched his head. "Can't think of where though...Hey! When will yer bro be back?"

"Never!" Koji stepped back as the woman screamed her reply a little faster than necessary. "I mean...he went to visit the bandits and won't be back for at least two weeks."

"He went to visit us?" Koji's eye's lit up. "When did he leave?"

"This morning."

Tamahome pushed Tasuki out of the way. "No he didn't he's--" Tasuki tackled the other woman and pushed her into the wall.

"She's right. He left more like an hour ago..." Tasuki pushed her best bandit buddy (hehe...tongue twister) to the front gate. "Bye bye!" She waved. "Come back soon!" She slammed the gate in his face.

She turned and glared daggers at Tamahome, who leaned against the wall smugly. "You BITCH!" She hissed and lunged at the other girl.

As the two fought like cats, the rest of the Suzaku seishi came out to see what was going on. "Stop it!" Chichiri yelled at the two girl. "Stop acting like children, no da!"

The two continued to fight.

"Girls!" Nuriko snapped and stomped her foot on the ground.

The both stopped their catfight and looked at the pissed violet haired super strong seishi. They both had fistfuls of hair. "She started it!"

"I don't care who started it! I'm stopping it!" Nuriko glared and then realized what she had said. "Oh sweet Suzaku...I'm sounding like my mother..."

Everyone took a step back. "I think you sound like everyone's mother." Miaka forced a smile as he realized how ancient that line really must be.

"Let go of her hair." Nuriko said in her warning motherly voice that seemed to speak of the horrors that would befall them both if they didn't stop right that instant.

Both let go immediately as visions of what their mother used to do to them when they were bad filled their heads. It would be much, much worse with Nuriko as the mother giving out those spankings. (Author looks up from the computer as she realizes how bad that last line just sounded...)

"That's it!" Tasuki shouted. "I'm through with being a woman! I wanna be a man again!"

"Tasuki...we all want to go back." Hotohori said calmly.

"Speak for yourself." Nuriko snorted under her breath.

Hotohori eyed her fellow seishi. "But how do you suppose we get turned back."

Tasuki looked dumbstruck. "I uh....don't know...maybe the Seiryuu seishi had something to do with this! You know! Make us women then attack!"

"If that was what they did, they would have attacked already."

"The old lady!" Tasuki yelled out in the middle of her rant. "She could fix us!" She continued to pace and rant as the others thought of what she said.

"Taiitsukun?" Chichiri blinked. "She had a good idea. She could help us, maybe..."

"Ooh!" Tamahome snapped her fingers. "The Nyan Nyan's! They fix! They fix! They heal! They heal!" Everyone sweat-dropped at how much she sounded like the cute little healers of Mt. Taikyoku.

"We could give it a shot." Miaka agreed.

"We'll leave in the morning." Hotohori nodded.

Everyone parted ways to pack for the journey as Tasuki still stood in front of the gate and ranted about who could have turned them into women. "I've got it...My sisters did this to me! Those bitches always wanted to see me in pain." She stopped and looked around to see some of the guards looking at her like she had two heads. "Guys..?"

*****

Whoo! That chapter is done! *does happy dance* Review! Review! Melyn loves reviews. 


	9. Chapter 9

Hello hello! How are all of you? I've been better. I've been have a problem lately, you see, my muse was sadly beaten to death by the demon of writers block, and that's why I have not updated in so long. 

If you're wondering, my muse was actually beaten into a severe state by the demon of writers block, but not actually killed....until I sucked her dry to write this chapter. She will be missed and I hope she rests in piece....er....peace...

Am still looking for a new muse, by the way. If you find any, please ask me for a job application. There are a few trying out for the position already so....be fast!

I send out a special thanks to Zero Saotome, Nightmare Kitten, Firefly Dragon and everybody else at their website (http://www.geocities.com/lina_xellos/) who thought this fic to be good enough to be posted there! Woo to you guys!

Well....onto the story!

*****

Tasuki yawned. They said they would be leaving early to head for Taiitsukun place. But this was ridicules.

The sun just began to creep over the hills and the valleys just outside of Konan. The sky was the most brilliant shade of red where the sun was just peaking. In the exact opposite of the sun, where night clung to it's last few lingering minutes, the sky was a brilliant indigo blue and select few stars still hung in the sky, and slowly faded into nothing as the seconds passed on.

The serene feeling calmed everyone's nerves. They all knew this moment wouldn't last, but those few minutes of utter silence exempt for the birds that just began to wake, and the brook gently breaking over the rocks made the rest of the world just melt away.

Miaka sighed. For once, the trip out into the world didn't seem so terrifying. He felt safe. But the feeling was not mutual.

Hotohori's eyes followed every movement around them. Something kept her on edge, though she did not know why. She came to the conclusion that the reason she was so tense was due to her being...well...a her. 

The last time she traveled, she was a he. Now she felt helpless. Not completely, but more like she was put out in the open for all prying eyes to watch. She knew women were targets for bandit raids more than men. (Tasuki made that point perfectly clear last night at dinner)

Now here they were, the Suzaku seishi all women and put out on the line, with only one man (who at the present was slightly dozing on his horse). 

Oh Suzaku...if any bandits saw them they would be laughing at how easily they could pick the seven woman and one man off.

The really sad part was, they could have just popped into Taiitsukun's place with the use of Chichiri's magic.

It was just she was feeling bitchy this morning and got mad at Nuriko, who also seemed edgy this morning, and both of them got into a huge fight over who's chopstick it was and then they refused to speak to one another, then Chichiri made it perfectly clear that she was NOT letting Nuriko use her magic to get to their destination thus lead up to them taking a few horses, more catfights, guards trying to break it up, and (above all else) Hotohori getting her hair messed up.

Sure Nuriko said it was an accident but.....

****

Nuriko pouted. Sure she and Chichiri were fighting, but did that stupid bitch have to shove her into the empress? Chichiri was being mean all morning, and Nuriko wasn't feeling happy either. It was clearly her chopstick.

Now Hotohori was mad at her and refused to even look at her. 

"Good going." Nuriko mumbled to herself. "Now you'll never get her to marry you..."

****

"That was my chopstick, no da! Wasn't it Tasuki?" The blue haired monk had been ranting since they left the palace. Of course she kept her voice low so a certain purple haired witch wouldn't over hear their one-sided conversation.

Tasuki really wasn't listening. She gave up about an hour ago and just kept agreeing with whatever Chichiri was saying. She knew that chopstick was clearly Nuriko's, but at the same time, she really didn't want to get in the middle of another catfight.

*****

"Seventy seven bottles of beer on the wall, seventy seven bottles of beer." Miaka sang to himself, "Take one down, pass it around, seventy six bottles of beer on the wall..."

"Miaka-kun?" Chiriko looked over innocently "What are you singing?"

"It's a song my brother taught me. It's kinda like a traveling song. It's very easy to learn..."

*****

Yui yawned and stretched his back. He could really get use to no 'that time on the month.' It seemed Soi was also very much enjoying the same freedoms.

Nakago and Tomo and the 'Boshi twins were entirely different. But they did find out, Nakago did have emotions and actually cried when she couldn't find her left shoe. (As it turned out, the shoe was right where she left it, under the bed.)

What really surprised everyone was when Suboshi exploded at Tomo. Yui tried to calm down the situation by telling Suboshi to just walk away.

Then the young seishi exploded with "I'm NOT Suboshi! Why can't you people keep us strait!" Then she fell to the ground and started sobbing. 

Yui was snapped out of his thoughts by the door opening. "Yui-sama?" Suboshi poked her head in. 

"How's your sister?" Yui felt really bad for being the cause of the problem with the sweet young girl.

"She's...asleep...." Suboshi smiled. "Is she going to be ok?"

Yui nodded. It seemed Suboshi was very much uninformed about the birds and the bees. He hoped her twin was informed, otherwise this could turn ugly...

"She said she had cramps...is she sick?"

"In...a way..." Yui cleared her throat. "She'll be better in a few days. Why don't you keep her company?" 

Suboshi nodded and left. 

Oh Seiryuu....he hoped this would end soon....

****

"Two bottles of beer on the wall, two bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, one bottle of beer on the wall." Everyone sang, Tasuki much louder than everyone else. It seemed she found a new drinking song.

Now, most people would have stopped long ago, do to the annoyance of the song, but everyone was curious on what would happen after there were no bottles of beer on the wall.

They all noticed that this was very close to Taiitsukun's home, about another ten minutes or so.

"One bottle of beer on the wall" They sang on, "One bottle of beer take one down, pass it around, no bottles of beer on the wall. No bottles of beer on the wall, no bottles of beer--"

Everyone exempt Miaka became quiet. "Upchuck, barf one up, one bottle of beer on the wall."

"That's gross." Nuriko made a face.

"It's how my brother taught me!" Miaka laughed. "I swear!"

"Your brother sounds odd."

"He sounds damn cool for writing a song like that!" Tasuki laughed. Miaka didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't written by his brother. 

"Wanna play a game?" Miaka changed the subject.

"Does it have anything to do with 'barfing' into empty beer bottles?" Hotohori asked.

"Nope. It's simple. I say 'I'm going to Grandma's house and I'm going to bring...' and then whoever starts says something that begins with 'A' and the next person says everything the last person said then add the letter 'B' and we go down the alphabet!"

Everyone nodded, but they were still very confused.

"Tamahome! You go first!"

"I'm going to Grandma's house and I'm going to bring....an....apple..."

Miaka nodded. "Good! Who's next!"

****

Tomo once again paced her room. "Shin...I saw Nakago crying this morning. What does that mean? I thin Soi made her cry. I hope that he dies!" She stopped and listened to her clam.

"Do you really think so?"

More silence.

"But--"

The clam cut her off with it's own silent reply.

"Nakago...doesn't...love me?"

More silence

"Keep my emotions quiet?! but why?"

Silence

"Am not!"

Silence

"You're a bastard, Shin!" Tomo spat and left her room, slamming the door behind her. At this time, if the clam has eyes or any form of freewill or life, it would be rolling it's eyes at the immaturity of Tomo.

Tomo cracked open the door. "Shin..?" She entered her own room. "Shin, you know I didn't mean that. I really do care about you." Tomo picked up the clam. "I love you."

Silence.

Tomo smiled "I know you love me too."

Oh god...the depths of this woman's insanity....

*****

The game was going great. They were now successfully at the letter 'I' with little to no problems. Once the game started rolling, it was very easy to figure out.

So far, Tamahome had her apples, Tasuki had her beer, Chichiri brought a cat, Miaka brought a dingo (which was confusing to everyone else) Hotohori brought eggs, Mitsukake brought food, Chiriko brought grade books, Nuriko brought (surprise surprise) Hotohori. It was now back to Tamahome.

"...Food, grade books, Hotohori..." Tamahome glared at Nuriko for that last one "And...Icky face!" Tama screamed and fell off her horse.

"Technically, 'icky face' doesn't count..." Miaka turned and came face to face with the creator of Universe of the Four Gods "Icky face!"

Taiitsukun sweat dropped. "Don't they ever give up on those stupid long running jokes?" She mumbled to herself.

"Nope!" The Nyan Nyan chirped. "Long running jokes are fun!"

Before anyone could blink, the cute teal haired goddling was hit into the stratosphere. Taiitsukun threw a baseball bat into the bushes. "What brings you here?"

"Well duh!" Tasuki screamed. "I'm a fucking woman!"

"That's obvious." Taiitsukun rolled her eyes. "Come with me."

Within a matter of seconds, the Suzaku seishi were settled inside Taiitsukun's home. For some reason beyond all logic, the Nyan Nyan was also back, serving them tea.

"Taiitsukun?" Miaka cleared her throat. "Do...do you know what happened to us?"

The old woman nodded. "You were put under a very serious spell....more like a curse."

"How do we cure it?"

"There is no medical cure for this."

"I'm going to be a woman forever?!?!" Tasuki fell to the ground in a faint. 

"I did not say that. There are spells you can do to reverse the ill effects of your curse."

"How do we do that?"

"You need to find me a herb. It is called catsgrove. It grows near here, but is very rare. To find it you must first climb to the tallest peak in the land and destroy to yeti living there. The villagers will give you directions on how to find this plant. After you find dogsgrove you must--"

"I thought you said it was catsgrove?" Nuriko interrupted the creator. 

"It was dogsgrove. I clearly said dogsgrove."

"No, you said catsgrove."

Taiitsukun glared at the seishi. "They are the same plant. After you find the plant with two names you must boil it in a caldron of lead and filled with dragons blood."

"Are you leading us on?"

"Hold your tongue!" She whapped Hotohori over her head. "And do as I say!"

"Dragon's....blood..." Miaka wrote it down word for word.

"There is no plant, or yeti or caldron or dragon's blood, is there?" Tamahome glared. "You're leading us on! Why?!"

Taiitsukun sighed. "True...I was leading you on, but that's because there is no cure for your curse..."

The room became dead silent as everyone held their head low, lost in their own thought....until the Nyan Nyan started to giggle. 

"Liar! Liar! Taiitsukun is a liar!" She danced around looking very cute. "Taiitsukun is a bad liar!"

Again, the cute thing was knocked into orbit.

"Liar..." Nuriko's eye began to twitch as she held up a fist and rolled up her sleeve. 

"Alright there is a cure." Taiitsukun thought up the many different ways to make the Nyan Nyan's death look like an accident.

"Did it! She did it!" Came the sing-song voice of the Nyan Nyan in the distance as she fell back to earth. This was followed by a loud crash coming from the nearby mountain.

"You!" Everyone jumped and pointed. A look of sheer shock and anger and confusion washed over their faces, like they couldn't decide on what expression to settle on.

"Don't act so surprised. Who else would have done it?" The old woman sipped her tea. "Kuto? Ha! Those morons are tripping over themselves to find out who did it as well."

"Kuto...." Miaka shook her head clear of the thoughts of the Seiryuu seishi as women. "But...why?"

Taiitsukun glared. "I'm old and wanted some fun. Is that a good enough excuse?"

"Nyan Nyan thought it was funny too! Tama-Tama thought she was dying!" Nyan Nyan limped into the room. A bandage covered her forehead and one of her arms as she leaned on a walking stick. 

"So this has all been for your amusement?" Tasuki growled.

"Other's amusement too. Nyan Nyan thought it was fun...as did Nuriko. But I guess I have to change you back." Taiitsukun sighed. "I was hoping to have this last a little bit longer."

"Why?" Nuriko inquired.

"Suzaku and I had a bet going on. Stupid bird...I now own him lunch..." She mumbled under her breath and cursed the god.

Everyone settled in the new room and sat on the floor. Taiitsukun looked deep in thought for a few minutes. "I should start shouldn't I?"

"Yes."

Nuriko leaned over to whisper in the old woman's ear. "Is there any way that I can..."

"No."

"But--"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"I'll let you have a date with Hotohori..." Nuriko looked away innocently. "But if you don't want to..."

"Talk to me later."

"We did just discuss me staying a woman, didn't we?"

"Yes." Taiitsukun cleared her throat. Everyone leaned closer to see what the magic words. "Nyan Nyan...change them back."

Everyone fell flat on their faces. That was it? The Nyan Nyan did it?

It was over in a matter of seconds, in fact, they didn't even realize they had changed back. 

The Nyan Nyan smiled sweetly. "Should I change the others back too?"

".....Later....in a week or two....I'm _not_ losing my bet with Seiryuu...."

Miaka flushed bright red. "Tamahome...could I borrow your...bra?"

Nuriko pouted as she felt herself up and found nothing. "I thought we had a deal." He growled under his breath.

"I changed my mind last second."

"You evil..."

"I know I am."

*****

Everyone was smiles as the left for home. Exempt for Nuriko, who was pissed. Everyone decided to leave him alone.

"Highness. I think I know what would cheer Nuriko up--" Tasuki was promptly hit in the face and fell off his horse. 

"What?!" Tasuki rubbed his injured jaw. "I thought maybe a drink would cheer him up! Always cheers me up."

"You're hopelessly clueless, no da." Chichiri sighed and rode on.

Hotohori stopped and waited for Nuriko. Under his breath Hotohori heard the words 'Evil', 'scheming', 'old bitch', and 'gonna pay.'

"Nuriko?"

Nuriko snapped out of his torture session with Taiitsukun. "Huh?"

"We're back to normal."

"Yippy." Sarcasm dripped like acid from his one word.

"You could always ask Miaka to change you back when she summons Suzaku...." Hotohori trailed off. "I know you always wanted to be a woman. Though I never knew why...they are so confusing..."

Nuriko groaned. "Maybe then you don't want to know why..."

"Are you ok...." Hotohori noticed the figurative dark cloud growing over Nuriko's head and patted him on the shoulder. 

Nuriko blushed. "Um....it's getting dark and all....."

Hotohori smiled. "We should stop at the next town for the night." He rode forward to tell the others of the plan. 

"Hopeless..." Nuriko mumbled, though he didn't know if it was for himself or Hotohori. He smiled. "Suzaku could turn me back...." Until that happened, he would just fawn over Hotohori more...Yes. That could work. 

Nuriko rode harder to catch up to the group now singing '99 bottles of beer on the wall' Tasuki's voice raising higher than anyone else's.

******

Taiitsukun glared across the table at the man with red hair and wings. His face hidden behind a menu labeled 'Garcia's' in cursive maroon writing against a cream background.

He ignored the looks the waiter was giving him and smiled. "I will have a bottle of your best wine and the most expensive thing on your menu, triple the portions." 

"Triple!?!" Taiitsukun bellowed.

"Yes. I would like to eat and I will bring some home to Genbu and Byakko." He smiled sweetly at her. "What would you like to eat?"

Taiitsukun glared. "A glass of water. Damn you bird." 

"Taiitsukun..." The other man at the table glared as he put down his menu. "Why is it you still haven't changed my seishi back?" Seiryuu looked pissed.

"Easy." Suzaku laughed. "My seishi are smarter than yours and found out who did it to them quicker. Let's see your blond general figure that out!"

Seiryuu glared. "I'll have the chicken."

"Ooh. Good comeback!" Suzaku gloated. Not only are my seishi prettier than yours, but also smarter!"

"Take that back." The dragon hissed

"It's true!" He looked hurt. "Have you seen your Ashitare? Or your Miboshi?"

"Yeah, well your Miko eats her country into debt!"

Suzaku faked shock again. "At least all my seishi worship me." he sipped his wine. "And not some made-up god."

Taiitsukun felt like slamming her head into the table as the two gods childlike taunts continued on, even tough the entire restaurant stared.

"I'll be taking the bill..." She told the poor waiter that would probably be blown into tiny pieces by an attack meant for the other god.

******

Keisuke's eyes were wide with shock as he shut the Universe of the Four Gods. He did not just read that. He did not just read that. He did not just--

"Keisuke?" Tetsuya opened the door to their new research room in the library. "Found us some lunch. Find anything interesting while I was away?"

Keisuke was still in shock as he threw the book at his best friend. "Oh yeah..." He finally came to his senses and fell off his chair laughing. "Oh yeah. It was a good part you missed!"

Tetsuya took off his sunglasses and eyed the maniac rolling around on the floor while trying to eat the fries they snuck in. "One morning, the Suzaku no Miko awoke to find she had mysteriously..." 

He read on....

****** 

Yay! Woo! Holy cow! Did I just finish it? No way! *cries* No!!!!! *Falls to her knees and bellows a great cry of pain and loss.* 

Oh wait...Seiryuu is still female!

Yay! maybe I'll do more. I don't know. Fanart is on the way! (and greatly appreciated if one wants to turn it into me! You can find my email on my page, or son_melyn@yahoo.com) ^^

Well....good bye for now, I guess....*sob sob* Look for the fan art!


End file.
